A totally necessary ‘analysis’ of Microsoft’s Xbox Live rebranding

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Once in a blue moon, I am struck by events so monumental that I am forced to sit and hyperventilate in a paper bag until black dots appear in my vision and the pain of l existence dissipates in a pin prick – something I had to do today because Microsoft renamed “Xbox Live” to “Xbox Network”.

Before I dive into the analysis that this change requires, let me pull out my powdered bag of context and sprinkle it all over your horrified face.

Xbox Live is Microsoft’s “online digital media delivery service”. If you really wanted to play games online, you had to subscribe to Xbox Live Gold.

You could argue that rebranding to the Xbox Network is just a way to clarify the goals of each of these services, but if that’s your point, then Big Bill has happened to you and it’s already too late for me to do anything. this is about it.

For the rest of you, let’s open up that rabbit hole and take a deep sip. (Wait, what?)

Xbox Live rebranding: the uppercase problem

Do you notice that? It was Xbox Live and now it’s… the Xbox Network. Live on the network. Look again:

Or did the capital letter goes? That he took? Does it count as a kidnapping? Should I hire the authorities? Should I flash in Morse code?

Usually the title case is for fools and cowards, but this change from “ Live ” to “ network ” seems wrong to me, it’s like something beautiful and important has been happening to me. snatched from we, even.

And all I have to say about it is no. Or, should I say, no.

The Xbox Network Name Change: More Letters = Better

While we might have lost an uppercase when rebranding, there is something we did gain: letters. Now I’m not a scientist, but I know that MORE = BETTER. You cannot disagree with this.

Now that we’ve got that little bit of a road, let me put on my mathematician’s robe …

  • Live = four letters
  • Network = seven letters

It’s a 75% length increase. It’s not a number you could just make up, it’s real math. We are in the future.

Live vs. network: what does it mean?

We have a scientist, now it’s time to become literary.

Currently, it looks like the renaming of Xbox Live Network to Xbox Network is neutral, as every name had a positive point in its favor, but everything is going to change. Now, I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but I think the rebranding to “network” rather than “live” shows that Microsoft intends to transform us from independent, living, breathing creatures into mere tiny nodes. a giant infrastructure so that we can use our bodies to power huge machines whose sole purpose seems to be to cultivate people?

Where was it The matrix? Anyway, tell me a good thing involved in a “network”? LinkedIn? My point is proven.

Conclusion

Microsoft has renamed Xbox Live to Xbox Network. It’s a fact.

What we don’t know is if this is part of a despicable plot to control our minds and crush our minds, or if it’s just a way to make the Xbox ecosystem easier to understand. . In fact, it’s a lie – I know. It’s the first.

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Published March 23, 2021 – 14:20 UTC


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